Be a Friend Worth Having: Why Christian Singles Need Friendship Rooted in Following Jesus

Table for One Ministries • June 22, 2026
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Why Churches Are Asking This Question

If a single adult asks how to deal with loneliness as a Christian, the answer is not first to find a date. It is to follow Jesus more deeply and to become a friend worth having. That may sound simple, but it cuts against the way many people think. We live in a culture that assumes loneliness is solved by romance, attention, or a change in relationship status. Scripture offers something deeper. It points us to Christ, to His church, and to the kind of friendship that carries people to Jesus.


That matters because loneliness is not a fringe issue. America is increasingly living with more people alone, marrying later, and spending less time in deep relationships. In 2025, the United States had 39.7 million one person households, which accounted for 29 percent of all households. The median age at first marriage also rose to 30.8 for men and 28.4 for women.  At the same time, the U.S. Surgeon General reported that only 39 percent of adults say they feel very connected to others, about half of U.S. adults report loneliness, and time spent with friends in person dropped from 30 hours a month in 2003 to 10 hours a month in 2020. For young adults ages 15 to 24, that decline was nearly 70 percent.



That means the church cannot talk about single adults only in terms of dating, marriage, or family ministry. The church has to talk about friendship. It has to recover the kind of community where people are noticed, named, known, and carried to Jesus.  It does not present friendship as a side issue. It treats friendship as discipleship in motion. Friends do not merely ask how someone is doing. They act. They move toward people. They carry burdens. They help others get to Jesus.


Following Jesus Is the First Relationship

This is where the conversation has to begin. For a Christian single adult, the priority is not first to find the right person. The priority is to follow the right Savior. That is not a dismissive answer. It is the most honest one. If Christ is not the center, then every other relationship will be asked to carry more weight than it was ever meant to hold.


Your singles discipleship work says it plainly. Being complete in Christ means your relationship with Christ becomes the groundwork for all other relationships. It is not one piece of life. It is the foundation of life. That is true for married adults and single adults alike, but singles often feel the pressure of this question more immediately because the church can unintentionally make marriage sound like maturity. Your work pushes back on that. Christ calls people first to follow Him. Then every other relationship gets ordered beneath that call.


That is why loneliness cannot be answered only with busyness or social options. Some single adults do not need a larger calendar. They need a clearer priority. A crowded social life can still be spiritually empty. A dating relationship can still leave a person profoundly lonely. Following Jesus first does not erase the ache for connection, but it does rescue us from asking human relationships to do what only Christ can do.


This is one reason your recent Table for One content is so strong. It frames friendship not as a replacement for Jesus, but as a means of carrying one another to Him. A friend worth having does not try to be the savior. A friend worth having helps people get to the Savior.


Paul Valued Singleness More Than Many Churches Do

Many singles have heard marriage honored in church, and it should be. Marriage is a gift from God. But too many have rarely heard singleness honored with the same seriousness. Paul would not have been comfortable with that imbalance.


In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks of singleness with clarity and dignity. He does not treat it as a problem to solve. He treats it as a calling that can create unusual freedom for undivided devotion to the Lord. He values marriage, but he also values singleness. He does not present one as spiritually superior and the other as spiritually deficient. He calls believers to faithfulness where God has them.


Your earlier project materials make this point well. They note that Paul, likely a widower, valued singleness more than any other biblical writer and held marriage and singleness in meaningful tension. They also press the point many churches still need to hear: if Jesus could accomplish all the Father planned for Him as a single man, then marriage cannot be the measure of usefulness or spiritual maturity. 


That matters pastorally. A single adult does not need the church to say, “Your real life starts later.” A single adult needs the church to say, “Your obedience matters now. Your holiness matters now. Your calling matters now. Your friendships matter now.” Paul’s teaching gives the church language for that kind of dignity.


Be a Friend Worth Having

This is where the article turns from theology to practice. Loneliness is real. The church should not minimize it. Jesus understands rejection, grief, abandonment, and sorrow. Your own teaching material says that plainly by pointing to the suffering of Christ and the loneliness He knew.  But the call of discipleship is not only to ask, “Why am I lonely?” It is also to ask, “Am I becoming the kind of friend who helps other lonely people?”


That is the sharp edge of this message, and it is needed. Some singles are lonely because of painful circumstances beyond their control. Others are lonely because they are waiting to be pursued while rarely pursuing anyone else. That does not mean loneliness is always our fault. It does mean Christian maturity asks a harder question than self pity usually does. Instead of beginning with blame, it begins with responsibility. Your uploaded draft pushes in exactly that direction by asking whether singles sometimes blame being single, the church, introversion, or personality without first asking what they themselves can do about their loneliness.


To be a friend worth having means you stop waiting for perfect conditions. You send the text. You invite someone to lunch. You ask a real question. You pray for people by name. You make room in your week for others. You follow up after church. You remember the hard date. You carry people to Jesus in ways that are practical, not performative.


That is what Mark 2 shows us. Those friends did not stand at a distance and admire Jesus. They did not offer vague support. They carried a man who could not get there alone. They got creative when the crowd was thick. They were inconveniently faithful. That is Christian friendship. And in a lonely culture, it is one of the strongest witnesses the church can offer. Your own article on biblical friendship makes that argument well by calling friendship one of the church’s most powerful discipleship tools.


The Church Must Teach Friendship, Not Just Host Events

Churches often want singles ministry ideas, but what many churches really need is a friendship theology. A room full of activities is not the same thing as belonging. A church can host events all year and still fail to teach people how to love one another well.


That is especially urgent right now. The Surgeon General’s advisory does not just describe a loneliness problem. It describes a social connection problem. Americans are spending more time alone and less time with friends.  If that is true in the culture, then the church must become more intentional, not less. Single adults need more than one more mixer. They need spiritual family. They need older believers who invest in them. They need peers who show up. They need leaders who see them as central to the body, not peripheral to it.


Your work consistently says single adults are not a side demographic. They are a large part of the mission field, and churches will not reach their communities if they do not reach singles.   That is not just a demographic argument. It is a discipleship argument. If single adults are increasingly common in American life, then biblical friendship among single adults is not a niche topic. It is mainstream ministry.


A healthy church teaches singles that following Jesus is first, friendship is essential, and marriage is not the finish line. It teaches that being single does not mean being sidelined. It teaches that Paul valued singleness, Jesus dignified singleness, and the church should stop treating single adults like they are waiting in the lobby of real life.


Final Thoughts

The deepest answer to loneliness is not romance. It is Christ. But one of the clearest ways Christ ministers His grace is through faithful friendship in the body of Christ. That is why this message matters so much. To be a friend worth having is not just good social advice. It is a form of discipleship.


Singles do not need a church that pities them. They need a church that equips them. They need a church that values their calling, teaches them to follow Jesus first, and invites them into friendships strong enough to carry people to Christ. Paul would have understood that. Jesus embodied it. And the church needs to recover it.

FAQ

What does “be a friend worth having” mean for Christian singles?

It means becoming the kind of person who moves toward others with Christ centered love, consistency, honesty, and action. It is not mainly about being interesting. It is about being faithful.


What does Paul say about singleness?

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul presents singleness as a good gift and a meaningful calling. He values marriage, but he also teaches that singleness can provide unusual freedom for devotion to the Lord.


How can a Christian single deal with loneliness?

A Christian single should begin by following Jesus deeply, building intentional friendship, and resisting the lie that marriage is the only answer to loneliness. Loneliness is real, but it should push us toward Christ and community, not just toward romantic urgency.


Why is friendship so important for single adults?

For many single adults, friendship becomes the primary everyday context for encouragement, accountability, service, and belonging. Friendship is often where discipleship becomes visible and personal.


Why should churches teach biblical friendship to singles?

Because loneliness is widespread, singleness is common, and discipleship happens through real relationships. Churches that teach friendship well will serve single adults more faithfully and reflect the family of God more clearly.


Sources

U.S. Census Bureau, Fewer Than Half of U.S. Households Are Married-Couple Households

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory

Lifeway Research, What Young Adults Look for in a Church

The Christian Index, Commentary: A friend worth having will carry people to Jesus despite the obstacles
The Christian Index, Commentary: What young adults look for in a church
The Christian Index, FBC Peachtree City gathering sparks authentic connections among young adults
Lifeway Research, 5 Ways to Knit Single Adults into the Church Community
Lifeway Research, 4 Ways the Church Can Serve Members Well During Singleness
Lifeway Research, Dating and the Church: How Should the Church Treat Singles?
Lifeway Research, Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries for Them

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You remember a friend’s difficult appointment and send a message afterward. Someone from church notices your long week and brings dinner, while another person makes time to sit and listen. These ordinary moments help us understand that giving and receiving love already belong in a single adult’s life. When most conversations about love languages begin with a spouse or a dating relationship, however, it can be easy to miss how much they have to do with the people already around us.  The five love languages for singles are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Gary Chapman’s framework gives us a way to discuss how we express care and what helps us recognize it. Single adults can consider these ideas in friendships, family relationships, dating, and church community, with appropriate boundaries for each relationship. From a Christian perspective, their usefulness should lead us toward loving people more faithfully as we follow Jesus. Why the five love languages matter for singles A single adult may be building a career, raising children, caring for a parent, grieving a spouse, or enjoying a meaningful life without plans to marry. Each of those circumstances includes relationships that deserve attention. Someone who has never married does not need to wait for a wedding to learn how to encourage a friend or receive help. Someone rebuilding life after divorce still has opportunities to develop trust and participate fully in Christian community. The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2025 estimates put the median age at first marriage at 30.8 for men and 28.4 for women. Churches should take these years of adult life seriously, while remembering that singleness also includes people in later decades and people who have been married before. Our teaching about relationships needs room for the lives people are actually living. Friendship, hospitality, service, and spiritual growth matter throughout those lives, whatever the future holds. Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition applies the framework beyond marriage, including relationships with friends and family. That broader application is helpful because a single adult’s relationships have value in the present. A friendship does not need to become romantic to be meaningful. Learning to understand another person can become part of how we honor that person and take responsibility for our life together. A Christian perspective on love languages For Christians, love begins with God’s character and His gracious action toward us. First John 4:19 (ESV) says, “We love because he first loved us.” In the surrounding passage, John connects God’s love revealed through His Son with our responsibility to love one another. We respond to the love we have received in Christ by learning to care for real people, including people whose needs and preferences differ from ours. Jesus lived His earthly life unmarried, fully obedient to the Father and without any deficiency in His humanity. Marriage is a good gift, but it cannot serve as the church’s measure of spiritual maturity or usefulness. In Colossians 2:9–10 , Paul grounds the believer’s fullness in Christ, not in a relationship status. Being complete in Christ gives us a secure foundation for relationships while leaving room to acknowledge our need for friendship, encouragement, and community. We should also be careful about what we ask love languages to accomplish. A 2024 review by Emily Impett, Haeyoung Gideon Park, and Amy Muise found limited scientific support for the framework’s central claims, including the idea that matching a partner’s preferred language reliably produces greater relationship satisfaction. That research concerns romantic relationships; it does not establish an outcome for friendships or church ministry. I would use the categories to begin thoughtful conversations, while allowing Scripture to guide our understanding of love and paying attention to the whole person. All five love languages with examples for singles The official explanation of the five love languages identifies five familiar ways people communicate affection and care. The examples below apply those categories to everyday single adult life. As you read, consider both what you appreciate receiving and what someone close to you may need. You may recognize yourself in several categories, and another person may value a different response than the one you naturally offer. Words of affirmation Words of affirmation communicate care through sincere encouragement, appreciation, and acknowledgment. For single adults, that might mean a friend recognizing a difficult decision, a parent expressing gratitude, or a church leader naming someone’s faithful contribution. Specific words help us understand what another person has noticed. Telling a single parent that you saw their patience during a difficult evening communicates more than a general compliment offered in passing. Christian encouragement should be truthful and attentive to the person’s circumstances. Ephesians 4:29 directs believers toward speech that builds others up according to the need of the moment. A divorced friend may appreciate recognition of their steady obedience without another prediction about finding someone better. A never-married adult may need to hear that their wisdom and service already strengthen the church, without every compliment turning into a comment about their eligibility for marriage. If words of affirmation matter to you, explain that kindly to trusted people. You can tell a friend that their specific encouragement stayed with you during a difficult week. Then practice offering the same attentiveness to someone else. This week, name one quality you have actually observed and explain how it has encouraged you. Quality time Quality time communicates care through focused attention and shared presence. For singles, it can look like an unhurried conversation after church, a regular walk, or a meal where phones stay put away. The activity creates room to know one another more deeply. Listening to what someone says, remembering it, and returning to the conversation later can help a friendship grow beyond exchanging updates. Availability will look different across relationships and seasons. A single parent may have a short window between responsibilities, while an older adult may prefer a daytime visit to an evening gathering. Ask what is realistic and make a plan both people can keep. Friendship becomes more dependable when we respect one another’s work, rest, family responsibilities, and need for personal space. If you appreciate quality time, a clear invitation gives another person something concrete to consider. Suggest lunch next Sunday or a phone call during a mutually convenient time. Allow room for a different suggestion or a gracious decline. Consistent attention can grow through ordinary routines without making constant access to another person the measure of their love. Receiving gifts Receiving gifts describes the significance of a thoughtful, tangible expression of care. The value may come from what the gift communicates about being remembered. A favorite snack, a book connected to a recent conversation, or a small item celebrating an accomplishment can carry that meaning. A useful question is whether the gift reflects something you know about the person receiving it. Single adults have milestones worth celebrating throughout their lives. Completing a certification, moving into a new home, recovering from a difficult season, or reaching a meaningful birthday can give friends an opportunity to pay attention. Churches can also celebrate faithful service and personal growth across different life circumstances. These occasions help us recognize people whose celebrations may receive less attention than weddings and baby showers. Keep gifts appropriate to your budget and to the relationship. An expensive gift may create discomfort, particularly when romantic intentions are uncertain. Give with the freedom to receive a simple thank-you, without expecting affection, access, or repayment. Thoughtfulness remains possible when money is limited, especially when you have taken time to learn what someone values. Acts of service Acts of service communicate care through practical help that responds to an actual need. A ride when a car is being repaired, help carrying furniture, or a meal during a demanding week can make a meaningful difference. Single adults may be managing many responsibilities without another adult in the home, though their circumstances vary widely. Asking before acting helps us offer assistance that is useful and welcome. For a single parent, practical support might involve an agreed grocery pickup or help from a trusted caregiver. For someone grieving a spouse, it might mean assistance with a household task their spouse once handled. Offer a specific possibility, then listen to the response. That approach gives the person room to accept, suggest something different, or decline without embarrassment. In Galatians 6:2 , Paul calls believers to help carry one another’s burdens as an expression of life under Christ. Receiving appropriate help can therefore be part of participating in the body of Christ. You do not have to repay every kindness immediately to remain someone’s equal. As circumstances allow, you can also bring your own gifts and abilities to the needs of others. Physical touch Physical touch refers to appropriate, welcomed contact that can communicate affection or support. For singles, this might include a hug from a trusted friend, holding a family member’s hand during grief, or a celebratory high-five. Some people find these expressions meaningful, while others prefer more personal space. The relationship, setting, and other person’s comfort all matter. Ask before initiating touch when you are unsure, and accept the answer without pressure. A person’s history, culture, preferences, or present circumstances may influence what feels welcome. Church members should have the freedom to choose a handshake, a verbal greeting, or no physical contact. Respecting that choice is itself an expression of care. A preference for physical touch does not create a claim on someone else’s body. For Christian singles who are dating, affection also needs to honor biblical sexual ethics and the conviction that sexual intimacy belongs within marriage. Honest conversations about boundaries belong alongside conversations about affection. You can acknowledge a desire for closeness while making choices that honor Christ and the dignity of another person. How to discover your love language while single You can explore your love language without being in a dating relationship. Begin by remembering occasions when a friend or family member helped you feel understood and cared for. Consider what happened and why it mattered. Then ask whether you tend to express care in the same way or whether your habits of giving differ from what you appreciate receiving. If you want a guided starting point, use the official love language quiz . Treat the result as a prompt for reflection and conversation. It cannot tell you everything about your needs, and it should not become a test that everyone around you must pass. Continue learning through honest relationships, especially when your circumstances change. It also helps to describe what would be useful in a particular moment. You might explain that you would appreciate someone listening before offering advice, or that a ride would help more than another encouraging message that day. Ask the other person what would serve them as well. Mutual understanding grows when both people have room to speak and neither is expected to read the other’s mind. Be a friend worth having this week At Table for One Ministries, we encourage people to be a friend worth having . That begins with noticing the people God has placed in our lives and taking responsibility for how we treat them. Love languages can help us consider a practical response, but Christian friendship also requires honesty, patience, forgiveness, and faithfulness over time. First Corinthians 13:4–7 gives us a picture of love that reaches into our character and conduct. Choose one person this week and ask what would help them feel supported. Listen carefully enough to discover whether they need encouragement, time, practical assistance, or something you had not considered. Offer a response you can actually follow through on, and leave room for them to receive it freely. If you need care yourself, consider one trusted person with whom you can speak honestly. Church leaders can practice this same attentiveness by inviting single adults into ordinary life and listening to their perspectives. Include them in meals, meaningful responsibilities, and conversations about the church’s future. Notice their gifts and ask about their lives without making marital status the center of every conversation. A congregation grows in love when its members know one another well enough to care with understanding. If you want to explore Chapman’s framework further, The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition is available on Amazon . Read it alongside Scripture and discuss its ideas with people who know you well. Your next faithful step may be a conversation with a friend, a request for help, or a practical act of service. You can trust Christ, know Christ, and reflect Christ in the relationships before you today.
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