Struggling with a Desire for Intimacy as a Christian Single

Being a single man in my 40s, never married, I’ve heard all the questions. “Why are you still single?” “Have you tried online dating?” “Don’t you want a family?” While these questions may come from well-meaning friends and family, they often assume that singleness is a problem to be solved rather than a calling that can be embraced.

The truth is, I am single, but I am not incomplete. My life is whole, my purpose is clear, and my identity is Complete in Christ, not my relationship status. Scripture affirms this, and God’s Word gives us key principles to live by as single adults.

A common argument for marriage is that God gave Eve to Adam because “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18, ESV). Some take this to mean that marriage is the ultimate solution to loneliness. However, Adam’s need was for companionship and community, not just a spouse. God’s design for humanity includes relationships of all kinds—friendships, family, and the body of Christ.

For singles, this means investing in godly friendships, serving in our church communities, and being actively involved in the lives of others. The church is our family, and we are never alone unless we choose to self-isolate.

The demographics of single adults are diverse, and successful ministry leaders will recognize and address the varied needs oThe common misconception is that spiritual maturity or fulfillment comes only through marriage and parenthood. Yet Paul, one of the greatest figures in Christian history, was single and encouraged singleness as a viable and preferable way to serve God wholeheartedly.

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32, ESV).

Singleness provides unique opportunities to serve God with undivided devotion. While marriage is a beautiful calling for many, it is not the only path to a meaningful life in Christ.

Society often defines worth based on relationships, achievements, or status. But as Christians, our worth is found in Christ alone. Ephesians 1:3-4 (ESV) reminds us: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.”

Being single does not make us less valuable, complete, or loved. Our identity is secure in Christ, and no earthly relationship can add to or subtract from that truth.

Many assume that singleness is just a waiting period before marriage. But what if it is something more? What if, for some of us, God has called us to lifelong singleness for His kingdom?

Jesus Himself spoke of those who remain single for the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:12, ESV). Paul reiterated that singleness allows undivided devotion to God (1 Corinthians 7:35, ESV). Whether temporary or permanent, our singleness is not wasted; it is a gift to be used for God’s glory.

Perhaps the most comforting truth for singles is that God is sovereign and good. His plans for us are always for our reasonable and His glory, even if they do not align with cultural expectations.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV).

God is not withholding good from us. If marriage is in His plan, it will come in His perfect timing. If singleness is His will, He will provide joy, purpose, and community.

As a single man in my 40s, I’ve learned that contentment isn’t found in a change of status but in the unchanging love of Christ. I am single, but I am complete in Him.

If you’re single, I encourage you to embrace this season as a gift, whether temporary or lifelong. Invest in the community, serve in the church, and rest in the truth that you are already whole in Christ.

Marriage isn’t the finish line—Jesus is.