Dating and the Church: How Should the Church Treat Singles?

Is church the answer to dating? Make disciples, and along the way, like-minded followers may take the next step in their relationships.

It’s Sunday afternoon at your church, and everyone has gathered for a potluck. All the food offerings at the event are laid out properly, from deviled eggs to three types of mac and cheese, from cookies still in their plastic containers from the store to fresh famous banana pudding from your most tenured potluck contributor. As you turn to sit down, you see a single adult at their table for one in the corner.

You immediately forgo your typical lunch table, sit with this single adult, and start to make small talk about life, work, and any fun trips ahead. Then, you make your pastoral transition to the actual topic at hand. “You’re too nice to be single, so why haven’t you found someone? Have you tried online dating? I know several happy couples who met on an app and are still married today.”

Your heart is genuine and wants happiness for your parishioner. But their face gazes back at you as if you said something wrong. But what was it? It might help to see things from a single’s perspective and how they feel, like in this video.

Dating singles are those actively seeking a relationship with another single adult. One thing to remember is not all singles are dating or want to date in their current season. Singles get frustrated, whether they admit it or not, when you assume their in dating season. It’s also discouraging for singles to find happiness tied to marriage as something they don’t have but want in their lives. So, how do we, as the church, navigate dating and online dating?

Marriage isn’t the finish line

Happiness is found in trusting in the Lord. Well-meaning friends, family, and church members say, “I just want you to be happy” to young adults and singles. They’re most likely married or were married for an extended period in a healthy marriage. I get it. But your friend, co-worker, child, or grandchild needs to hear affirmation that they can be happy, trust in Jesus, and be complete in Christ. A slight change in vocabulary can communicate your desire to help them find someone if they’re looking rather than assuming their current stage of being single, alone, and unhappy.

Our race to the finish line is defined in Philippians 3:14, when we, as believers, are called up to join Jesus in heaven. Marriage is fantastic but so is being called where you are as a single adult, according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9. We need to accept people where God has them now and not assume what they need or must have in their lives. As the church, we should expect to speak about dating and cohabitation more in the foreseeable future, given the following statistics.

• Most adults will be married at some point in their lives; however, that is changing. The Institute for Family Studies projects up to 1 in 3 men and women who turn 45 in 2050 (those around 18 or 19 now) will have not yet married. 
• According to Pew Research, the majority of never-married singles (58%) express a desire to get married. But 27% remain undecided about marriage. 
• Analysis from Pew Research found more than half of adults aged 18-44 (59%) have lived with a romantic partner at least once, surpassing the 50% who have never been married. 
• Additionally, analysis from Pew Research found the majority of Americans consider it acceptable for couples to live together before marriage. 
• According to Statista, more than 9 in 10 Americans (94%) believe in “true love.” 
• When selecting a partner, only 38% of women and 31% of men consider moral and religious beliefs to be very important factors, according to Statista. 
• Statista also found for men, aligned views on raising children is the most important consideration in choosing a partner. 
• For women, Statista found the top priority when selecting a mate is finding someone with a stable job.

“Marriage is fantastic but so is being called where you are as a single adult, according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9.” — @PJ_Dunn

The church’s response to online dating

The topic of dating varies by nation, culture, and current events. Dating is a product of romanticism, a significant part of our American heritage. It’s seen in events like the COVID-19 pandemic, where those looking to date were cut off from human interactions. Even when they returned, many were unsure how to reenter the dating world. Should they take a COVID test to go on a date? Could they hold hands? In 2025, those things are in history books, but the habits formed in those years have profoundly affected dating.

Just 10 years ago, in 2015, only 15% of Americans had used a dating app. By 2023, that had doubled to 30%. Pew Research found while over half of young adults 18-29 have used a dating app (53%), 37% of those 30-49 also use app-based dating services. This means dating websites and apps are likely being used significantly by the people in your pews. How will your church help align that with a biblical worldview?

Pastors should focus on the Word of God as our source of truth when addressing online dating. While the Bible doesn’t mention dating, it speaks to relationships, love, and marriage — defining biblical love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) and teaching the priority of God in relationships (Matthew 6:33) and purity through self-control (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).

When we see dating through the lens of discipleship, we find a path that leads to Jesus, not just a potential mate. It’s about embarking on a journey of sanctification to become more like Jesus and maybe dating someone else doing the same. Dating singles will connect in the local in-person church while simultaneously connecting through an online world. The distance between these two realities might be closer than first imagined.

“When we see dating through the lens of discipleship, we find a path that leads to Jesus, not just a potential mate.” — @PJ_Dunn

Online dating, in-person relationships, and avoiding the “market”

The online dating industry does not exist for your happiness; it exists to prolong the search. The online/app dating industry is worth 10 billion dollars and is expected to almost double in the next 10 years. With 40% of that market being in America, you must understand and be ready to connect with young adults and singles on this issue.

Healthy online/app dating is not dating online at all. It’s best used as a connection to an in-person relationship. Matthew 23:28 addresses being one way to others and acting completely different when they’re not around. Dating apps aren’t the only solution; treat them as tools to see people you would otherwise not engage with. Take time praying, educating, and learning from those dating to be ready to offer advice.

So, is church then the answer to dating? Should we have speed dating events? The church is where we gather to be in the presence of the Lord, worshiping, growing, serving, fellowshipping, and making disciples. When we stray from the Great Commandment and Great Commission, we risk becoming a “market” to those looking to date. They come looking for possibilities to date, not opportunities to encounter the living God. Keep your church focused on making disciples; along the way, like-minded followers may take the next step in their relationships.

This article was originally published by Lifeway Research and is reposted here with permission. Read the original article at:

https://research.lifeway.com/2025/02/13/dating-and-the-church-how-should-the-church-treat-singles/

How Churches Can Treat Singles with Biblical Clarity and Belonging

The question of how the church should treat singles is not a secondary issue. It is central to discipleship, community, and long term church health.

According to the United States Census Bureau, nearly half of adults ages 18 to 29 are unmarried. Across all adult age groups, single adults represent a significant and growing portion of the population. This reality means churches must think carefully about how they speak to, disciple, and integrate singles at every life stage.
Source: https://www.census.gov/data/tables/time-series/demo/families/marital.html

At the same time, many singles report feeling overlooked or unintentionally marginalized in church culture that centers primarily on marriage and parenting. When dating becomes the primary lens through which singles are viewed, their identity in Christ can be reduced to relationship status rather than spiritual calling.

A healthy church culture affirms that single adults are not incomplete. They are fully part of the body of Christ. Scripture presents singleness not as a problem to solve but as a calling that can uniquely advance the gospel. Churches that treat singles with dignity, clarity, and intentional discipleship pathways cultivate stronger, more resilient communities.

Understanding current single adult statistics in America helps leaders see that singles ministry is not niche programming. It is a central strategy for reaching a growing life stage demographic.
https://www.tfoministries.org/single-adult-statistics-in-america

Churches should also evaluate what young adults look for in a church, especially as many singles fall within the young adult demographic. Belonging, biblical teaching, and meaningful relationships consistently rise to the top.
https://www.tfoministries.org/what-young-adults-look-for-in-a-church

Ultimately, how a church treats singles communicates its theology of identity. When single adults are integrated into leadership, discipleship, and mission rather than isolated by relationship status, the entire church becomes healthier. The goal is not to prioritize singleness over marriage. The goal is to reflect the fullness of the body of Christ.

Frequently Asked Questions About Singles and the Church

How should the church treat single adults?

The church should treat single adults as full members of the body of Christ, integrating them into leadership, discipleship pathways, and meaningful community rather than defining them primarily by relationship status.

Is singleness biblical?

Yes. Scripture affirms singleness as a valid and meaningful calling. Both Jesus and the Apostle Paul modeled lives of faithfulness outside of marriage, demonstrating that spiritual maturity is not tied to marital status.

Why do some singles feel overlooked in church?

Many churches unintentionally center programming around marriage and parenting stages. When this happens, singles may feel peripheral unless churches intentionally cultivate belonging and integration across life stages.